Christmas is a little over a 5 1/2 weeks away (yes, yes I know - so many gifts to buy, so little time), so I thought I would assist you and provide a list of the Top 10 Redneck Christmas Gifts for those of you who are last minute shoppers. When most think of rednecks, beer comes to mind. Sure, you can buy a few cases and satisfy any redneck - but why be one of those people, when you can purchase high-tech redneck items? Some you can even make yourself by simply going to the dollar store, while others may require special order - but hurry, you want these items in time for Christmas morning.
1. The Redneck Grill - Rednecks love a good cook-out, there’s nothing like a little raccoon or possum cooked over an open flame. Why not buy your favorite redneck a grill? Ok, maybe not buy, but I’m sure you can find the tools necessary to build the one below:
2. The Redneck Lawn Mower - Some rednecks prefer goats when it comes to lawn maintenance, but this little beauty will brighten any Christmas morning: 
3. The Redneck Barbie - We can’t forget all the good little redneck kiddies. Most little boy rednecks will entertain themselves with duct tape and sticks, but redneck girls? Give her a role model she can look at each day and say, “Hey, I wanna be just like her when I grow up.” (The doll is also known as Britney Spears) 
4. The Redneck Senior Scooter - We can’t forget our senior rednecks. As they age, riding the mule back and forth to the mailbox or pushing a cart in Wal-Mart can become strenuous - the scooter below is for Granny, Gran-pappy’s comes with a black seat:
5. The Redneck Entertainment Center - For the high-tech rednecks, this entertainment center will bring hours of fun. Sunday Nascar races, phone calls from bill collectors and writing to their favorite prison pen-pals while sitting on a comfortable seat: 
6. The Redneck Computer - This computer is for those rednecks who are not yet skilled in using high-end technology. Comes installed with Redneck Winders, however the mouse is optional. I suggest looking in the outhouse or barn and make sure the balls are clean.
7. The Redneck Hunting Dog - As they say, a dog is man’s best friend. The Redneck Hunting Dog can not only shoot a gun, but run back to the house and tell Mom and Dad that Timmy is stuck in a cave:
8. The Redneck Car Lock - Forget the bar across the steering wheel, this lock will make car thieves think twice before stealing a redneck’s car - although I’m not sure who would want to steal one to begin with:
9. The Redneck Gift Basket - Since I mentioned beer, you can buy a gift basket full of a redneck’s favorite beer - which is usually Budweiser. Don’t buy some high-society foreign beer - you’ll only confuse them. Bottles or cans doesn’t matter either - they entertain themselves with both:
10. Redneck Airbags - This gift is a two for one kind of deal. First, you have to find a redneck chick that looks like, well her. Then you have to force her to drive the redneck man around. What he does with her after he gets home is up to him - this gift is quite expensive due to this fact - monthly payments are involved as well as a case of beer and the gift basket listed above. 
There you have it - the Top 10 Redneck Christmas Gifts for 2008. Never forget, rednecks are people too. Do not purchase sheep - just a friendly reminder.
As you have probably gathered by now, the above list of gifts was strictly tongue-in-cheek. I am sure that you will probably come up with much better gifts on your own, without my help (although the scooter definitely has possibilities :>) ).
Anyways, from our house to yours, may the upcoming season be joyous, may you get all that you deserve and may you enjoy each other's company. Merry Christmas everyone !
Grandpa out .........
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